Built For This
"Prayers are prophesies. They are the best predictors of your spiritual future. Who you become is determined by how you pray. Ultimately, the transcript of your prayers becomes the script of your life." The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
In 2005, I was 20 years old. I moved off campus and into my own apartment - all 602 square feet of it. I had no living room set, no cable, but it was my cozy home. As the frigid months approached, I realized that I was in way over my head. At the time, I was working part-time at a daycare making $7.25 an hour. I was a full-time college student. I had $1000 a month in bills to pay. I fell into a deep depression that year. Routinely, I would have a pastor friend of mine wake up at 6am and pray for me before I went in to work. Looking back, I know that it was only God that got me through that year.
In 2009, the year that I graduated college, I was laid off from my job of four years. Downsizing, they said. I remember my boss crying because, besides a severance package, there wasn't anything she could do to prevent the changes. I didn't begin to worry until my unemployment checks were barely enough to cover my bills. I did what I knew best to do: panic. With no solid solution in sight, I hastily decided to move back home in February of 2010. A month later, I got a job.
In December of 2013, I quit that job to pursue a more purposeful life. I saved as much money as I could, paid as many debts off as I could. I was hopeful I would find something right away. For a while, everything was all good. And then once again, I began to panic. Months went by and all I received were letters of rejection. I didn't know what to do.
By May, I was grasping at straws. I vaguely recall now but I believe someone told me to apply for the internship with CWPR. In my mind, it wasn't really an option. Although I knew an internship was what I needed in order to gain the experience, I saw it as an inconvenience. I wanted a full-time hourly job with benefits. I wanted to be able to pay my bills again. I wanted to live like an adult again. I did apply and I got that internship.
All year, I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would give me a new position that challenged me. One where I felt like I was growing. Months into the internship, I realized that God gave me exactly what I asked for. It hasn't been a walk in the park. I am a new girl in a new field. I didn't think I knew what I was doing. Some days I wanted to give up but that was too easy. I'm accustomed to giving up. Realizing that God gave me what I prayed for, I began to shift my attitude to that of gratitude. Grateful for every challenge.
Now that my internship is coming to an end and I'm once again job hunting, I'm taking the time to reflect on how God has always been there for me when I thought I was alone. When I thought He had forsaken me, He was simply pushing me and molding me. This is my process of becoming. It's uncomfortable. It's frustrating. But I now know that I am built for whatever challenge I'm likely to face next.
And what is that exactly? Enter panic mode. Was the risk worth it? Will I get the prize in the end? What happens tomorrow??
One thing I know for sure is that when you pray bold prayers, He hears and He answers. When you are specific with your requests, when you risk it all just so that He "knows it's real", He delivers every time. This is what I remind myself in these last few weeks: work hard, pray bold prayers and He will deliver on His promises.
Am I terrified? Every morning when I wake up. I praise Him anyway for what He is about to do. I don't know what that is but that's also not my business.
I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this when I first started writing. I was reading all these amazing stories of faith in The Circle Maker so I decided to share my journey thus far. Maybe you are at a crossroad in your life and have to make a tough decision. Maybe your back is against a wall and you don't know where to turn. Whatever the situation, I encourage you not to lose faith. Be specific and bold - declare what you want your maker to do in your life.
"You've got to define the promises God wants you to stake claim to, the miracles God wants you to believe for, and the dreams God wants you to pursue. Then you need to keep circling until God gives you what He wants and He wills." The Circle Maker
And most importantly, you've got to be willing to look foolish. Batterson says, "Faith is the willingness to look foolish." What are you willing to risk in order to make your dreams a reality? It's only a setback if you don't learn and grow from it. What do you have to lose? Nothing. You're built for all the challenges sure to come your way. Trust that.