I Am the Master of My Fate, the Captain of My Soul
The lights grew dim as wristbands began to illuminate the arena. A voice low, yet robust filled the atmosphere. Women excitedly cheered on as they recognized the familiar voice speaking. I could barely hear what she was reciting over the roaring applause. And then, like a vision of a burning sun, she rose from within the stage. We all lost our minds! It took me a second to realize that I was watching Oprah Gail Winfrey walk on the stage. Tears began to well in my eyes as it hit me: I was seeing Oprah in the flesh.I was like a kid watching a Disney movie for the first time. Right there in the Philipps Arena for Oprah's Life You Want Tour, I was having a fan girl moment. And for the next two hours, she recounted tale after tale after tale of her humble beginnings until now. Things I've never heard before but I now know were being saved for this exact moment. As I received her words, I couldn't help but see all the parallels in her life and mine - her mind and mine. Everything she spoke, I've always known.
"My grandmother was a maid and that's all she knew. Her dream for me was that I'd have nice white folks who wouldn't speak negatively about me and would treat me with at least a modicum of dignity and respect. But I had another dream."
As a child, I was a bookworm. I created my own cardboard box library filled with gems from Sweet Valley High to Goosebumps. I even had a journal of dates when I started and completed each book. My childhood heroes were my mom, my 2nd & 5th grade teacher, Shirley Chisholm and Josephine Baker. Because, women rule and I was like a silent, non-smiling, kiddie feminist.I was also an honor roll student. Straight A's meant free pizza pies from Pizza Hut. Straight A's also meant presiding over my siblings and cousins during Summer vacations, playing teacher. I came equipped with workbooks and a chalkboard. I was in control.I started reading more mature material in middle school. The glorious harlequin novels. In public, I was belting 'I'm not your superwoman' but behind closed doors, I was a hopeless romantic. Journals? I had tons of them. I think I started at age 14 to write down my frustrations with being a new kid in a new city. I wrote everything down because I couldn't confide in anyone. I was angry and writing was my therapy.In ninth grade, I wanted to be a psychotherapist. I was intrigued by the way the mind worked. I was obsessed with deep, intuitive thought and a curiosity of life. That is, until half of my class wanted to be the same. I immediately changed my mind. I didn't like following the crowd.I was a loner in high school. The only classes I enjoyed were the hands-on ones: home-ec, sculpting, lab, photography and participating in Aids Walk Atlanta. At the end of high school, I just knew I wanted to be a photographer. I was inspired by the works of Gordon Parks; he was my favorite.I applied to six colleges and got accepted into five of them. I decided to attend The Art Institute of Atlanta. Classes were set to start October 2003 but when I received my financial plan, I quickly changed my mind. I couldn't justify paying $72K for 3 years of education. I applied to Kennesaw State University last-minute, got accepted and started college January 2004 as an art major. Until I realized that I sucked at art. Crazy how I had to take drawing and painting and other nonsense before actually taking a photography class. Well, a mixture of not doing so well in drawing and basically failing at math and history caused me to lose my Hope Scholarship. And goodbye to the desire to be a photographer.
"Failure is life at its most poignant, pushing us in a new direction."
So I changed my major to Communications. I knew art would always be a part of who I was but maybe I needed to shift focus. I decided I wanted to be a photojournalist. It wasn't until my junior year (when I finally began relevant coursework) that I enjoyed learning at a university level.College was more about the experience for me. I was in every extracurricular activity that had nothing to do with class work. I was in the gospel choir, was secretary and did PR for the Haitian Student Alliance, member of the African-American Student Alliance and even participated in the Miss KSU pageant.
"Everything you've ever done and every life you've ever touched, that's your legacy."
The next few years where a whirlwind of bad decisions in life, love and career. It wasn't until I graduated college, dazed and confused as to what to do next with my life, did I begin to evaluate the thread in my life.
"Purpose is spirit seeking expression. It is not a goal to be set. It is not something you create...It is the defining thread that runs through and connects."
It took me 29 years to figure out the thread in my life. It took me writing out my entire life to realize that, if I only took time to look back at all the things I loved to do as a child, I wouldn't be confused about my purpose. My life has honestly been a consistent one.
"You co-create your life with the energy of your intention."
So here's what listening to Oprah did for me:Oprah reaffirmed what I already knew to be true about myself and my life. She reminded me that I've always had the answers. I've always had the drive. I've always had the light. I've been telling the stories by living my life all along and didn't see it. I always knew I was special but I wasn't connecting the dots. She confirmed for me that I'm on the right path. She reminded me that, "Nothing that you've been brought to the planet with is to be kept to yourself." She convinced me to continue to share the journey.
"Everything you've been through is gonna help you get through."
I've tried to minimize the power of my voice for so long. I've tried to shrink but Oprah reminded me that I wasn't designed to do that. I was created for a greater purpose and the journey is the discovery of all that will be accomplished through me.[Tweet "I am the vessel being used for a greater good in this world."]I'm grateful for the opportunity to experience a woman who literally carved out her life from beginning to now. I am much like her in my own way and I'll continue to push forward because as she gently reminded us, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." I stand tall - unconquerable and undefeated.
My love and admiration for Oprah is indescribable. She is the standard and I can only hope to be as wise as she is one day.