It's definitely been a while since I've last written anything on this blog. It may also appear that I have a thing with BREAKS. Maybe. For some reason, it has become easier for me to write my daily thoughts on the notes app on my phone than on a computer. But, here I am, committing to doing better today. I'm back from an unintentional two month hiatus from all social media. If you've been on my blog back in the day, you'll know that I'm no stranger to taking breaks from the constant chatter of the interwebs.For a long time, I've had a love/hate relationship with social media. In the last year, I've been able to really pinpoint why that is. I've determined that what I miss is true connection and engagement. Prior to the social media craze, I'd say before 2010, keeping in touch with those we cared about was a lot simpler. Either we met up in real life (in school, for lunch, etc) or phoned/emailed everyday. Now, technology has made it possible that aside for replenishing your pantry closet, you really don't ever have to leave your home to see anyone. I truly miss the days when connecting in person was a thing and engagement was more than a like on a post. The more and more I noticed these things becoming our new reality, the more I wanted, no needed, to get as far away from it as possible.I don't hate social media; it is useful for so many things. Like seeing distant relatives and their children on Facebook, finding people on Instagram who share similar interests, chiming in on intriguing conversations on Twitter, and so forth. It's just that people have since used these forms of communication to replace tangible connection. Or, they don't know how to interact with people when they are in their presence. And that's so scary. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was Instagram stories. To watch someone talk to themselves, to watch them share whatever intimate moment with you (happy or sad) and not interact with them, is beyond bizarre to me. Especially those that will religiously watch stories of people they know, but don't actually talk to in real life. All time high creep level. It made me realize that many people don't really want to show up in your life as they claim. Social media makes it easy for people to observe without getting involved.So I got off. I wanted to clear my mind of the online pollution and get back to focusing on what and who really mattered to me. In that time, I got so much done! I listened to over 400 podcasts, traveled, prioritized quality time with close friends and family, made possibly life changing decisions and saved money. Meanwhile, there were a MILLION thoughts swirling through my brain that I've nicely outlined below. Here are my thoughts...

What I Learned While on a Two-Month Social Media Break

• Google is amazing. I'm sure someone has told you this but let me put it to you this way. When you're on a social hiatus and you want to know if Chrissy Teigan had her baby or how to report a Walmart manager or how DeWayne Wayne got to that size or to find the article where Erykah Badu said she had a low libido or what it means when you continuously see butterflies...you google it. I've never used google more than when I did on hiatus. Don't forget to clear your cookies. Feds watching.
• Podcasts can feed the mind just like watching the news can, but less traumatic. Before my break, I occasionally listened to maybe three podcasts. Now I'm up to 24 podcasts and over 400 episode listens. Someone recently asked me how I did that. Easy. I don't watch tv. As in, I can't remember the last time I even touched a remote. And I barely use my laptop (when I go anti technology, I go hard!). I have a few shows I catch up on on Friday nights on my laptop when time permits, but that's it. When I wake up, I listen to three podcast episodes by Pastor Rick Warren (that's how long it takes before I walk out of the door). On the way to work, listening to podcasts (I barely listen to the radio anymore). While I'm at my desk, I listen to podcasts. And before you know it, boom. I know so much about so many things now because of the array of podcasts I listen to.
• Daily walks at your job is good for your health. One day, I felt a panic attack about to happen at my desk. I had no idea why but I knew if I stayed at my desk a minute longer, I'd be having a full on meltdown. So I went outside and took a walk and have been taking two walks a day ever since. Sometimes, all you need is fresh air filling your lungs.
• There isn't a rush. And also...You can't rush life. I often get anxious about the future. "Will I get married?" "Will I ever be content?" "I have to put X out by X date." "This needs to be done before I do that." There are things we can control by doing our best in all that we do and then there is life. And things will happen as they should. There is no amount of over-planning and stressing that will make what will be, be. What you feel you need to do will still be there when you get back. The only time we have is right now. Do your best and leave the rest to God.
• You were born with a purpose. Your life is the exploration or journey to discovering it. I struggle with reminding myself of this. There is a reason I exist and the life that I live is the path to my authentic self. My story, your story, has already been written. You live to find out what it is.
• A consistent therapist is an invaluable resource and confidant. My first therapist was in my senior year of college. My second one was last year after my grandfather passed away. And I've been with my current therapist for a few months now since the passing of a cousin. (Grief has been a motivator for therapy for me.) What I've always loved about therapy is having someone listen to you. Your friends may give you advice that is based off of their personal experiences or what they would do, but a therapist doesn't (or shouldn't) be biased. Their job is to help you think and come to your own conclusions - to challenge your thoughts and ideas. It's uncomfortable but deeply enlightening. Knowing who I am is my biggest job. Because once I discover who I am at my core and what I stand for, not only do I have the foundation to discovering my purpose, but also the confidence to be myself, unapologetically.
• Downplaying who you are for others' comfort is only a disservice to yourself. This was a BIG one for me. I would say that I'm a confident person. I have my opinions and I really don't care who disagrees. Not many things offend or embarrass me. But I've found that when someone isn't comfortable with themselves or they err on the side of political correctness, your boldness can be offensive to them. I started to bite my tongue or use less direct language to convey my message and all that did was make me feel phony. I have been me for 33 years and I'm absolutely not about to stop being this woman for someone who cannot take all of me. I will not shrink for anyone, ever.

Maybe irrelevant, but...

• I'm not as chocolate as I thought I was. This is a serious revelation. I thought I was a chocolate girl. Turns out, I'm almond-toned, AT BEST. I've been really looking at myself in the mirror, taking multiple face scans at Sephora, analyzing beauty girls on Youtube with similar shades and...I'm just not chocolate-y. Now that I know, I can continue to enable my beauty product obsession (because my facial self care is at it's peak importance).
• Too many plants in your room will bring bugs. This revelation also brought on deep pain. I have at least 13 plant babies but they've since been removed from my bedroom. I would hope that one day, we can be reunited but until then, it's a no for me, dawg.

I'm grateful for this self-imposed social media break that has brought me back to myself. I was becoming glaringly unhappy and unfocused. Sometimes you can lose sight of what really matters when you're posts deep in someone else's highlight reel. Taking that break helped me get back to my myself, my priorities, and pouring into the ones I hold dear. Taking that break gave me my freedom back.